New Connections

(J's last day of radiation with his rad technician)

It is so strange now, especially walking through the corridors of the hospital. I feel like we are now part of a community with instant connections sparked by compassion and shared experiences. It is like when you become pregnant, and for the first time you finally feel "part of the club." You realized you are not the only one going through this new and amazing experience inside your body. As you walk through the mall or Safeway, you start to see every pregnant woman in a three mile radius around you. It is like that now for us. Every time we pass by someone with a hat, scarf, no hair... or the special, black waist pump we make eye contact and instantly connect without words, like "I know what you are going through...and we are there too." It is like we are in a new club...initiation by experience, heartbreak, compassion and fight. And, not like we lacked the empathy before seeing other cancer patients; we just now have lifetime membership.

Our first night at the hospital was grueling, painful and exhausting. J's body just went into full throttle, not letting up for any relief. We have found a new oncologist that really "gets" what we are going through. He has been amazing, and said that what J is going through is "extraordinary." It is horrible to hear that his given circumstances are extraordinary, but it was so comforting to know that someone else is acknowledging that what J is battling truly is not the norm. Our second night was a bit better. He got hooked up to the nutrients, fluids and has a push button for pain meds. I was cracking up all last night every time I heard the machine dispensing throughout the night. J is still fighting through the pain, but it is definitely manageable now. This morning he weighed in at 165 lbs....that is now an unbelievable 45 lbs weight loss in about eight weeks. But, now at least with the around the clock food flowing straight into his veins, hopefully he will start gaining his strength back. The doctors said that we were "complicated" before J got admitted, but now that we are in the hospital and they are seeing how hard things actually are for us, they said it has gotten MORE complicated as things unfold. They are doing all they can to get us home by Christmas...please pray we will be.