Tunnels and Lights

We have this tradition in our family, which started when we were young, when we drive up the Pali Highway to the Eastside we hold our breath through the lengths of the tunnels. We just started doing this with our kids every week as we go to church, and their little bodies shiver in their carseats while trying to hold in both their breaths and their laughter. It is hilarious and nostalgic to watch thinking of my own childhood car rides. I have had two conversations recently about the "tunnels and lights" on this journey of ours. Last night at church, someone said to me, "This is the kind of thing that it isn't ever really over." I had never really thought about it that way until that very moment. I mean, I stated I was in this for the long haul, but having that statement said to me really hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess in my idealistic head, I really saw this whole thing being over after surgery in January, and then we could move on with our lives. I had never stopped to think about it turning out in a different way other than in our favor. Then tonight, a girlfriend who works in pediatric oncology said to me, "With adult cancer it is really different because there is really no light at the end of the tunnel." I guess that is really how we feel right now, like we are in this dark tunnel, holding our breaths and just waiting to see the light at the end to be able to exhale in relief. But the thing is...and yes, I will admit it...I am truthfully still afraid of the dark. So, I really don't want to just wait for the light at the end of the tunnel....I want it NOW. I want it to see what is around me, what is in front of me, and how long it is until the end. Many people have told us "all of this has a purpose" or "GOD has a plan for this". And, not like we don't trust GOD completely, but we almost want to shout back, "Well, if you know what the plan is, then let us know because we are in the dark here!" But, what if this isn't about finding the light at the end of the tunnel? What if it isn't about knowing the purpose of the journey or the destination? What if we are suppose to be in the dark just to learn to TRUST Him and move in faith. So, we will keep moving forward in faith...


"We Are Never Alone" (emailed to me by a girlfriend the other day)

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage? His father takes him into the forest blindfolded and leaves him alone. He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not take off the blindfold until the ray of sun shines through it. He is all by himself. He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night...he is a MAN. He cannot tell the other boys of this experience. Each lad must come into his own manhood.

The boy is terrified...he can hear all kinds of noise...beasts are all around him. Maybe even some human would hurt him. The wind blows the grass and earth...and it shakes his stump. But he sits stoically...never removing the blindfold. It is the only way he can be a man. Finally, after a horrific night..the sun appears and he removes his blindfold. It was then that he sees his father..sitting on the stump next to him...at watch...the entire night.

We are never alone. Even when we do not know it, our Father is protecting us...He is sitting on the stump beside us.
All we have to do is reach out to Him.




"Faith is the bird that sings to the dawn while it is still dark." ~ Kabir