Home for "Christmas"

Well, we are not technically going to make it home on Monday, but we realized our kids have no clue when Christmas Day actually is....SO...we have been saying to them, "Christmas is when Daddy is coming home!" So, yes...we WILL be home for Christmas! Feels like a giant conspiracy against our children, but can't be any bigger than Santa Claus, right? Hah!

So much to report...these past four days in the hospital has felt forever. We met with J's surgeon yesterday. He stated that the tumor is so large that it has attached, and possibly grown through, his tailbone, prostate and a nearby gland. If the chemo and radiation does not shrink the tumor, then it will be considered INOPERABLE. Hearing that word from a surgeon who seems so confident and optimistic in his skills, we were just beside ourselves all day yesterday. Since we have been in the hospital, we feel like we have been hit with so much everyday. Painful nights, terrible days, and disheartening news. And, not like this has been the pattern for the past few months, but somehow it had gotten even more intense. The plan yesterday was to do another colonoscopy. Hearing that this procedure was going to be done, we both felt like we got slapped in the face with the mention of it. It just seemed like such a horrible thing to do to add to J's pain. And, although it seemed helpful...J can barely tolerate any type of added pain right now, so it was heart-wrenching through the preparation and recovery. We were talking that everyday we get hit with things, and not just things, but NEW and HUGE things. I told him that for someone who does not like change, and likes control, he is doing really well with all of these blows. With the colonoscopy, our surgeon wanted to look at the current tumor state, the blockage width, and if possible try to laser off part of the tumor to decrease the blockage, thus bringing J some immediate relief. So, the procedure got done, and J recovered last night with his pain regulated with meds. Our surgeon was able to dilate the blockage of scar tissue, and actually saw no visible signs of the tumor. He felt a hard mass beneath the colon wall surface, but does not know if it was the tumor or scar tissue. So, everyone is encouraged and believes that the tumor is beginning to shrink. It still needs to shrink enough to provide adequate space to surgically be removed, so they are just letting the treatment run its course, and hopefully the end result will be what we are so desperately hoping for. So, tentatively, surgery is scheduled for the end of January if all goes as planned.

So, we are feeling better today. We finally feel we have built an incredible team of specialists who are not only are focused on a cancer free end result for J, but who also strive to improve his quality of life right now. We have found doctors who we trust, and who have taken the time to understand what we are going through, and continue to invest the time to explore every option to see J get some relief while in their care. They put J on an oral liquid diet after the procedure, but are still continuing the TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition) through his IV. Last night he was not able to tolerate anything by mouth, so we once again had to give him total gut rest. (As, I am sitting here typing, J just awoke from a quick nod off and said with his eyes still closed, "Oooh, I just bit into a cinnamon bun..." I can see his teeth and lips still chomping down through the air, and I cannot stop laughing!) So, we either have to get approval from our insurance for TPN home care OR J has to be able to tolerate eating to get home. Both options seem like uphill battles right now. We need our Christmas miracle!