The Find
I apologize for this weighty update...but when you find yourself coexisting with death and life in your bedroom your mind goes to places it wouldn't otherwise be welcomed to dwell...
J waited until his sister came the other day, and then decided to go with the heavier sedation to ease the progressing pain and ailments. J was saying that he could now "feel" his entire body. He said that he can feel every bone on top of each other rubbing together with every movement. I remember driving one day, and had bit my lip inside, so I had a canker sore that made my whole head throb. I remember thinking how amazing it is that something so small on our bodies can cause so much pain, and how incredible our bodies are to have been created that way. That when our bodies are functioning perfectly, we don't even feel them at all. And, pain is our personal radar that something isn't functioning correctly. So, our pain doctor supported moving in this direction since J's awake quality of life was suffering.
It was a tremendously difficult decision, but we somehow found peace in it. While preparing the pain meds, I was holding up the tiny vials watching the liquid being drawn out thinking, "This just does not feel right...just so out of order. This just seemed like such a wrong-right thing to do in the place we are stuck in, and so opposite of everything we have been striving toward." When we were ready, we sat in the bed and made J comfortable. As I administered the pain meds he held his bible on his chest and prayed his peace to GOD. In hearing J's prayer to GOD, I just silently prayed that the Lord would double its amplification, and bring our miracle of healing. I feel at this point, I am 100% believing for both outcomes...and have a deep peace with either. It seems so weird, but I just can't completely give up on my GOD and my husband. I told J, "He knows how much you love Him...He just wants you to know how much He loves you..and you're gonna find out...either way."
I think we ALL find out how much GOD loves us when we die. Those of us who know now only know a fraction. But in the end when we all come face to face with GOD..we will know in its entirely His complete love for each one of us. We will grasp adn finally have a full comprehension of what it truly meant to have Jesus do what he did for us. We will actually know, without being sabotaged by our doubts, how much He really is FOR us. And, I don't think the people who are not going to Heaven are rejected by a titan like God with lightening bolts and a muscled irrevocable pointing finger banishing them to the depths of Sheol. I think they will come before the strongest, kindest, broken hearted Father they have ever seen ..and He will be weeping in the deepest way that He will not be near the ones He loves most. And the ones who have accepted His love here too will see the fullness of His love for them. I think it will be overwhelming to know this life was not a game, but truly a mission to make His love known...and we will see where we fell short.
But His love is complete...and we will finally not be limited by our fleshly bodies that encapsulate us..but we will be a in a place where we can fully receive and fully give love in its highest most complete form..GOD Himself.
Team JIMSTRONG Match Fund Contributors
Fred & Beth & Cassie Wong
Suyin Phillips
Brigitte Mau
J waited until his sister came the other day, and then decided to go with the heavier sedation to ease the progressing pain and ailments. J was saying that he could now "feel" his entire body. He said that he can feel every bone on top of each other rubbing together with every movement. I remember driving one day, and had bit my lip inside, so I had a canker sore that made my whole head throb. I remember thinking how amazing it is that something so small on our bodies can cause so much pain, and how incredible our bodies are to have been created that way. That when our bodies are functioning perfectly, we don't even feel them at all. And, pain is our personal radar that something isn't functioning correctly. So, our pain doctor supported moving in this direction since J's awake quality of life was suffering.
It was a tremendously difficult decision, but we somehow found peace in it. While preparing the pain meds, I was holding up the tiny vials watching the liquid being drawn out thinking, "This just does not feel right...just so out of order. This just seemed like such a wrong-right thing to do in the place we are stuck in, and so opposite of everything we have been striving toward." When we were ready, we sat in the bed and made J comfortable. As I administered the pain meds he held his bible on his chest and prayed his peace to GOD. In hearing J's prayer to GOD, I just silently prayed that the Lord would double its amplification, and bring our miracle of healing. I feel at this point, I am 100% believing for both outcomes...and have a deep peace with either. It seems so weird, but I just can't completely give up on my GOD and my husband. I told J, "He knows how much you love Him...He just wants you to know how much He loves you..and you're gonna find out...either way."
I think we ALL find out how much GOD loves us when we die. Those of us who know now only know a fraction. But in the end when we all come face to face with GOD..we will know in its entirely His complete love for each one of us. We will grasp adn finally have a full comprehension of what it truly meant to have Jesus do what he did for us. We will actually know, without being sabotaged by our doubts, how much He really is FOR us. And, I don't think the people who are not going to Heaven are rejected by a titan like God with lightening bolts and a muscled irrevocable pointing finger banishing them to the depths of Sheol. I think they will come before the strongest, kindest, broken hearted Father they have ever seen ..and He will be weeping in the deepest way that He will not be near the ones He loves most. And the ones who have accepted His love here too will see the fullness of His love for them. I think it will be overwhelming to know this life was not a game, but truly a mission to make His love known...and we will see where we fell short.
But His love is complete...and we will finally not be limited by our fleshly bodies that encapsulate us..but we will be a in a place where we can fully receive and fully give love in its highest most complete form..GOD Himself.
Team JIMSTRONG Match Fund Contributors
Fred & Beth & Cassie Wong
Suyin Phillips
Brigitte Mau
posted by GODisgood at 5:10 PM
3 Comments:
You strength amazes me even now when your life has reached this point! I can't even imagine what you are going through, but my heart goes out to you. I am lifting you and your family before our Father in prayer and pray that Jim and that you will feel his comforting arms around you.
annb
We love you guys! Your strength, perseverance and faith inspires us to love harder, live fuller and strive for His purposes in our life.
You are in our prayers and thoughts daily.
Love you,
Eden and Mike
Dear Rem,
In a time when I so badly wish there was something I could do to minister to you guys, you continue to minister to me through your writing.
Thanks so much for the vision of God you offered in this last entry. In an attempt to lead the Christian life it is easy for me to forget that our Lord's love for us motivates nearly everything He has ever done throughout history, from saving Noah, to calling Abraham, to sending His Son to the cross -- all done so that one day we can be reunited with Him. Thanks for this poignant reminder.
The journey from the Fall to the arms of the Father has had many stops along the way. For Jim, this journey is almost complete. He is about to inherit all that the creator of the universe has prepared and longs to give those whom He loves and knew before the foundation of the world.
Everyone who ever knew Jim will miss him terribly. I can't imagine how much you and the kids will. But God has had an eternal longing for Jim, and this will finally be over. Oh, what a greeting Jim’s about to get!
Jessica, Grace, John, and I pray for you, Mia, Levi, and Jim everyday and will continue.
We love you all,
Jeff
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