Pressed Against the Wall

My stomach feels hollow, I did not eat anything this morning, but I don't think that is why. It is that feeling when you are sitting at the bottom of the part of the roller coaster in that pause, right before you start the upward climb. It is during that split second pause that you mentally prepare for what it ahead. Sometimes the upward climb, with the building anticipation, is just as terrifying as the actually downward plunge. It is during that pause that you know what is coming, but you have no option to get off. Once when J and I went to Disneyland, we were able to get on the last ride of Splash Mountain of the night. Right before the last big hill, the ride broke. We were just stuck there sitting in the darkness, trapped in our little cars, hearing the water falling down to the pool ahead of us. I freaked out and wanted to crawl our on to the side and walk all the way back out, but J just held my hand and said it will be okay and we just need to wait. But, when we finally got moving it took a couple of times for the motor to keep continuously cranking, so we kept on pausing with every tick up the rails. It was torture before the final plunge into the water.

J is getting a CAT scan today, and then most likely surgery tomorrow to relieve the blockage. His Band Form level rose again another 6% again, showing restricted blood flow to a localized area probably in the small intestine. The thought of going through surgery again, and even the prep of the CAT scan makes my stomach ache thinking of the potential pain J will have to once again endure. The dye for the CAT scan they will pump into J today will most likely bring about the horrible stomach cramps again as they fill up his gut with liquid. But, hopefully the dye will show the exact location of the blockage and where they need to go in. My girlfriend said this surgery is like the second time you give birth...you have lost your naivete to the unbearable pain ahead as your contractions begin, and you know there is no turning back and only one way out!

My girlfriend sent me a mixed CD in Texas, so we have been listening to a Matt Redman song "You Never Let Go" for the past couple of weeks. I never really absorbed the lyrics because our daughter loved the song so much and had us replay it over and over again everytime we were in the car. But, on the way down to the ER the song just jumped out to me in the place we were at. I had been feeling so much like once again we were entering into such a hard place. Just stuck with no way out as were were coming into the hospital again. Then, as we were looking for parking I got a picture in my head of being backed up against a wall. Thinking we were caught, and seeing the overwhelmingness of our circumstances ahead of us, it felt like there was no escape from the place were were standing. But, then as we pressed our palms and back against the "wall" we realized it was strong...but soft. It is then that we looked up and realized we were standing up against GOD...and HE has our backs...literally. So, now with that realization...what is presented in front of us, as much as we don't want to face it, now seems smaller in comparison to His Greatness behind us. So, upward we climb and are mentally preparing for the downward plunge that will thrust into the healing waters ahead...


The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


You Never Let Go ~ Matt Redman

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You




Team JIMSTRONG Contributors

Hillary Cramer
Paul and Michele Loudermilk